This story is told with permission.
I've had more than a few bad dating experiences, the most famous being when The FBI Arrested My Girlfriend. I've not dated since then, not even so much as a thought of dating, so imagine my surprise when I found out I'd been dating someone for over a month!
The First Sighting:
My local gym (actually the only real choice) is at the community center. It has broken equipment and, well, it's limited, but it beats nothing.
I had finished my weight training and had come into the cardio room; it has 3 treadmills (one of which is broken and one barely hanging on by a thread), two lifecycles between the two working treadmills, and several Stairmasters. As I stepped onto the "hanging on by a thread" treadmill, I noticed a pretty lady on one of the lifecycles and one of the resident talk-a-thoners gabbling incessantly at her. I sighed and wondered if my cardio time was gonna be filled with nonstop nonsense. At some point during my cardio routine, I noticed the pretty lady glance my way, so I glanced back, smiled, and went back to watching the treadmill screen tracking my cardio. That was it… But she did stick in my mind.
The First Joke:
One day, the treadmills, all both of them, were full, so I decided to hit the gymnasium for some sprints. As I walked that way, I heard a ball bouncing, and I was intrigued. Sadly, as I neared, the bouncing suddenly stopped.
I came to the doorway and peered in and saw that tall, pretty lady sitting on the bench with a basketball by her side. She saw me and said, "I'm just in here dribbling; you can come in." I replied with, "When I dribble, they make me wear a bib." I watched as her head swiveled back and forth trying to make sense of my gibberish. Finally, it struck her, and she burst out laughing. I grinned and walked away. No cardio that day.
The Second Joke:
I hadn't seen "Ms. Dribbles" for a few weeks, and then, as I was leaving, there she was checking in at the front desk, so I stopped because the front desk clerk is about 19, and I love teasing her because the girl has ZERO "Dad game!" The girl will literally fall for every dad prank going.
Ms. Dribbles looked at me and grinned before adding a nice "Good Morning!" I looked at her and then took my index finger and wiped at the corner of my mouth, indicating she had something she needed to wipe away. Dutifully, she wiped. Then she asked, "Did I get it?" and I responded with "You missed it by a mile!"
She went back to wiping the corner of her mouth, and after exfoliating her entire lower lip, she asked the girl behind the desk if she got it. The girl (imagine the deepest and sweetest southern accent you could ever hear) said, "They're ain't nuthin thar, he's just a pickin' on you!"
Ms. Dribbles burst out laughing, and the young girl turned to me and jokingly pointed towards the door and said, "Go on! Git!" I laughed. Ms. Dribbles said, "Boy! You are nothing but trouble!" I continued laughing as I walked away.
The Next Time:
It was a few more weeks before I ran into her again. She was on one treadmill, and I was on the other. There were two people on the lifecycles in between us, and they were talking all kinds of nonsense about the Hantavirus, a new pandemic, and how bad vaccines were, and, well, you get the idea… and all of their comments were directed at Ms. Dribbles.
I walked on my treadmill and watched as Ms. Dribbles politely listened to them, nodded appropriately, and when the coast was clear, looked at me and rolled her eyes. (I'm still not sure how she knew we were in the same tribe!) In response, I winked at her.
A few minutes later, during one of their few lulls, I asked what "Revival Coffee" was all about... Was this a Christian coffee house or legit? Well, the lifecycle people went all off on the 'legit' part of my question, but I didn't mind because my question did what it was meant to do: take the attention off Ms. Dribbles AND give her some breathing room.
Finally, when there was a break in their ranting, Ms. Dribbles immediately jumped on the opportunity to shift the conversation and asked me how long I had lived here (6 weeks) and proceeded to tell me all about the coffee house. Before you know it, she had invited me to meet her for coffee... and so we did.
It was during our coffee that I learned her name was Sophie and she was a district manager for a home healthcare company (which probably explains all the vaccine nonsense from the lifecycle folks).
Since Then:
We have gone on hikes, picnics, a trip to the Amish Farmer's Market, and other public outings, all to show me around the area. It was nice having my own local guide and, frankly, without her, it probably would have taken me two years to see all the places she showed me.
There wasn't any romance, no hand holding, no kissing or hugs or, really, nothing that would lead me to think it was anything more than just two people hanging out.
Our First Dinner:
We had planned a picnic at a major town event followed by a drive-in movie (yes, those still exist), but we got rained out, so I volunteered to cook dinner and said we could watch a movie at my place.
From the moment we walked through the door, it was comfortable... too much so, and that scared me!
I watched as she made herself at home, and I nearly had a panic attack. I have been used by the best of them, so her comfort set off my alarms. I was on edge and hyper-vigilant.
As I watched, and the more I watched, I decided that what made her comfortable in my place was that she was comfortable with our friendship and, more importantly, she was comfortable in her own skin. Little by little, I exhaled.
There's a stack of DVDs sitting next to my TV, and she flipped through them before settling on the bottom one and asking, "What's this about?"
It was my favorite movie, Same Time Next Year, starring Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn. I loved the idea that two people who had other lives and deep commitments elsewhere and who could only see each other once a year could fall in love and keep that deep love alive over years and years. Life is messy, and this movie showed just how messy and complicated it could be.
More Stuff:
Since that night, there have been more outings, dinners at my place 2-3 times a week, many more movies, lots of wine, lots of long conversations, too much ice cream (if there is such a thing), and grocery shopping together (it's 15 miles each way!). In all of that, nothing romantic ever happened; No kissing, no handholding, no nothing… just innocent fun like I have with my other friends.
Flight Risk:
After one dinner, we were talking about dating, and I commented that "I liked taking my time to get to know someone." She responded with "Yeah, you're a flight risk!" I was laughing so hard I almost fell off the couch.
It was towards the end of our laughter that I noticed Sophie with a look on her face that said, "Gawd! Boy! You're clueless!" While I didn't get it then, now, in retrospect, I laugh when I think about it.
Katie Question:
One night, while I was plating dinner, Sophie grabbed the remote and brought up Hulu. Staring at the screen, she asked, "Oh, is Kathleen your daughter, Katie?" I laughed and said, "No, Kathleen is an old girlfriend, and she's one of my besties."
As she placed the remote back on the coffee table, Sophie said, "Oh, this conversation will be far more entertaining than any movie! Tell me more!" I laughed. I mean, I get how some people can't be friends with an ex, but, except in rare cases, I have always found that to be very short-sighted.
I recounted how Kathleen and I met, and gave her the basics, and she asked questions. I was open and honest. She asked to see a picture, so I showed her one from 2021, and she thought it was adorable in that it showed a deep friendship and an immense amount of trust and history. I thought it was a good analysis.
The First Night Over:
Okay... nothing happened! It was actually VERY sweet!
She'd had a little too much Chardonnay, and I told her she couldn't drive. The conversation went something like this:
Her: "I can't sleep here!"
Me: "You can and you will. You can't drive; I saw you stagger!"
Her: "No, I mean, I won't be able to sleep with us in the same bed!"
Me: "Oh! That's what you're worried about? You'll be fine, I promise, no hanky-panky!"
Her: "I still won't be able to sleep!"
Me: "Oh, I have a magic trick, you'll be out in under 8 minutes!"
Her: (Giving me the side eye with a VERY dubious look on her face!)
I gave her an oversized t-shirt to sleep in, and after she changed, we climbed into bed, and I did my magic trick, and a few minutes later she's softly snoring. I remembered back to when my kids were little, and I couldn't get them down for a nap, I'd say, "Come here and cuddle up with me and let's watch cartoons!" and they'd be asleep in minutes. At some point they called it being "hornswoggled!" I smiled at the memory and then off to dreamland I went.
Around 2:30 in the morning, I got up to go pee because, well, at my age, that's what we men do. When I came back to bed, she was lying on her opposite side, now facing me, and as I climbed back into bed, she softly said, "My turn," and she wrapped herself around me and back off to slumberland we went.
The next morning, I served her coffee in bed, and we sat and did our own thing without a lot of conversation... just the way I like my mornings.
Since then:
There have been many more outings, including two hiking picnics, multiple grocery trips, and quite a few more dinner/movie nights at my place. Just two friends hanging out.
Getting Called Out:
The day after one of the dinners at my place, Kathleen (the old girlfriend of Hulu fame) FaceTimed me and asked, "So how was your date last night?"
Me: "What? WTF do you mean 'date'?"
Kathleen: "Well, what did you do?"
Me: "Well, I was dishing up dinner, and Sophie grabbed the clicker and saw YouTube as an option, and asked, 'What do you watch on YouTube?' to which I responded, 'Usually John Oliver but sometimes I just listen to sappy old love songs."
Sophie had heard of John Oliver but never watched him, so we watched the episode on wild pigs... She laughed so hard, I thought the woman would pee herself!
From there we went into the sappy old love songs, but Sophie invoked a rule: we each had to pick our own sappy love song, and before the song played, we had to tell the other what it meant to us.
Kathleen listened patiently.
I continued; we got through about 10 songs, and then "We Danced" by Brad Paisley came on and not 10 notes in, she jumped up and grabbed me by the hand, pulling me off the couch, and... we danced... out there on that empty hardwood floor... in my living room with the lights turned way down low. Our eyes never left each other... It was one of the most sensuous dances I've ever had. Just slow, a great love song, soft lights, intimate, never breaking eye contact, at peace, one with the other.
Kathleen: "BeanBoe (what she calls me when I'm being emotionally obtuse), THAT's a date!"
Me: "It can't be a date, we've not even had a kiss!"
Kathleen: "Apparently you don't remember how long it took you to kiss me the first time!"
Me: (Sitting there speechless as I stared at the screen with my mouth hanging open)
Morning Handsome:
We've been texting since our Revival Coffee outing. Usually, several times daily. Nothing sappy. Just text exchanges like two friends do.
And then, the morning after that dance, I got a text that said, "Morning Handsome!"
When I read those words, I cried. It's been so long since someone had said those words to me, and they opened a new layer of vulnerability in me. I really lost my footing. I wasn't sure whether or not to be happy or to set my own ass on fire and run to Iceland for relief.
Tic Tacs:
A few days later we had the treadmills to ourselves, and I recounted my conversation with Kathleen and how long it took me to kiss her when Sophie exclaimed, "Thank God! I thought it was me! I've been eating Tic-Tacs like my life depended on them!"
I was laughing so hard I nearly fell off the treadmill. That woman is wicked funny.
Wait! Did she just tell me she'd been waiting on me to kiss her?
Age Gap:
At the next dinner, we talked about our age gap; it's 13 years. I know everyone says "age is just a number," but the reality is quite different.
I shared my experience from living in Florida, where I saw this play out time and time again. The age gap is fine until it reaches a point where the younger one has to change the older one's diaper. Then the transition from spouse/partner to caregiver becomes overwhelming, and the younger one bails, leaving the older one to die alone, lonely, and broken-hearted.
Why would anyone set themselves up for that? Sophie's answer was heartwarming. She asked, "If we were a couple, and something happened to me, what would you do?" I said, "I would care for you as long as I physically and mentally could." Her response is one for the books… First she asked, "Why would you think I wouldn't do the same for you?" Before I could answer, she added, "Because no one ever has… and I get that, but give me a chance, and I'll earn your trust one day at a time."
Over many dinners we've had all kinds of conversations. We talked about sex. We talked about money. We talked about family. We talked about marriage and divorce. We talked about everything, but the biggest and most important conversations were about my health.
I've had stem cell treatments for congestive heart failure, prostate cancer twice, and colon cancer. None of my brothers have lived as long as I have.
More importantly, in the spring of 2025, I found myself getting lost. I don't mean not listening to Siri give me directions lost; I mean not knowing where I was, who I was, where home was, or even who to call for help. I pulled into a Lowe's parking lot, looked at my phone, and couldn't even figure out what to do with it. Instinctively, I just closed my eyes and sat there. I'm not sure how long had passed, but when I opened my eyes, I knew where I was, who I was, and how to get home. Not long after that episode, it happened again, and a week after that episode, I was at the grocery store, and when it came time to pay, I had no idea how to use the credit card skimmer or where I was or even what I was buying. A nice young man helped me. He helped me outside and sat with me on the bench until I could remember who to call (my daughter Katie), and he told her what had happened.
All of this led me to my doctor, to an MRI, the discovery of some very early signs of late-onset Alzheimer's, some prescription meds, some B-12, lots of exercise, and all of that is supposed to work for 6-12 years. Everything has been working… mostly… until recently, when I got lost coming back from Knoxville… twice! It wasn't as bad as the first two times, but still... I'm very aware.
Not even that disclosure scared her off… and that too frightened me.
Since then:
There have been lots more dinners together. We've talked about ALL the stories on my site and their history and their meaning. We've talked about her work, her career goals, her divorce (it's been 7 years and other than a few coffee dates, she's not dated since). We've talked about her passion for giving a leg up to girls who would otherwise not know there was a way out of small-town poverty.
We've talked about my estrangement from those kids from that marriage. We've talked about her kids, how weird it is that her ex never spent 2 seconds raising them but now that the kids are essentially launched, they suddenly think he's the greatest guy going. (Man, did that one resonate with me!) So, we've talked about almost everything.
We've also laughed so much that no comedy club could compete.
I Cried Again:
One morning, we were sitting on the couch having coffee and quietly talking about some news story. She gets up, takes our coffee cups to the kitchen, refills them, warms mine up in the microwave (I like mine hot), brings my cup over to me, sets it down, and then leans in and kisses me on my forehead.
When she returned with her own cup, she saw my tears, and without intruding on my feelings, she sat down and just quietly held my hand.
I can't remember the last romantic partner that brought me coffee… honestly, I can't even remember my ex ever doing it. Heck, my ex never even said "I love you" unless it was in response to my saying it. When you've been in relationships with that kind of emptiness, a small act of intimate kindness will hit you like a wrecking ball.
So her simple act of kindness, of caring to learn how I like my coffee, of intentionally showing love through a small, thoughtful gesture during a quiet moment in our relationship made me cry.
A Few Weeks Ago:
She came over, arriving a bit earlier than we'd planned, but it was no problem. I sat on the couch and watched as she pulled some wine glasses down, snagged the "barkeep's friend" (a pocketknife-style corkscrew) from the drawer beneath the coffee pot, deftly opened a bottle of wine, and poured us both a glass.
I sat there watching and smiling that someone was so comfortable in my home... and then panic struck as I realized, OMG! Someone was so comfortable in my home!
God, how those two emotions collided! I thought I had put those emotions to rest, but "BAM!" there they were again!
Our Next Dinner:
It was July 2nd, a few days before I left to pet sit Millie, and we were cooking dinner together. My kitchen is rather small, so for two people to cook together we generally have to divide up the work surface. Sophie took the kitchen island, and I took the counter near the spices. She's chopping Vidalia Onions while glancing at the cookbook and calling out the spices and amounts I needed. I'd dutifully add the spice to the bowl, and she'd call out the next one. While waiting on the next spice, I'd watch as she'd occasionally use the back of her hand to wipe an onion tear from her eyes, and for whatever reason, I found it endearing.
I finished my task of mixing up the spices and set them down next to where she was chopping, and she said, "Oh, I want to taste that!"
I immediately advised against it... 4 tbs of tomato sauce, 2 tbs of Thai chili powder (easily twice as hot as cayenne pepper), 1 tbs of minced garlic, 1 tbs of black pepper, and well, other spices that all combined would send Satan begging for mercy.
Looking at me with the determination of a she-devil that had been given the ultimate challenge, she plunged her finger into the spices, popped it in her mouth, and then her EYES BUGGED OUT!
She starts gasping; she's looking for something to drink, but there's nothing nearby... she goes to throw her hands over her mouth and then gasps at the scent of onions. I laughed. Hysterically.
I then see an incredibly lovely woman at my kitchen island; she's hopping up and down, face the color of a fire truck, hand over mouth, visibly in distress, so I ran to the coffee table and grabbed her insulated water tumbler. I noticed it had a metal straw but no lid. No matter, I quickly returned to the kitchen island (careful not to spill anything) and was trying to get the straw to her, but her desperate hopping up and down and hand waving to cool her mouth was preventing me from getting her the soothing liquid she so desperately needed; as we both maneuvered the straw kept sliding around the rim of the tumbler, and we kept missing each other.
Finally, holding the straw firmly in the tumbler, I said, "Just hold still, and I'll find your mouth!" To which she replied through the panicked gasps of someone on a breathing machine, "You haven't managed to find it yet... not even for a kiss!"
I nearly lost all my marbles. I laughed so hard. Even in distress, that woman is wickedly funny!
Turns out the recipe called for two TEASPOONS, not two TABLESPOONS of Thai chili powder. We ended up having pizza and laughing at our silliness.
At The Door:
That night, as we were saying goodbye and just pulling away from one of those life-affirming hugs, I said, "The next time I see you, we'll have that first kiss!" She laughed and said, "Now you're just baiting me to drive over to Sandy's so we can spend a few days all alone together with a hot tub!"
Yup. She read my mind like a dime store novel.
Four Days Later:
I'm sitting at Sandy's; her dog Mille and I are having fun, and I'm vacillating between being amused at how Sophie read me and being terrified that she might actually drive over. I still don't know if I'm dating or not… I think I might be, but I really can't wrap my head around how, after 12 years, such a thing could be. The hot tub is still empty. And oh, did I mention that I'm still terrified?
If she shows up, will I be able to breathe? Will my heart stop beating or explode in my chest? Will I die of dehydration because my palms are so sweaty just thinking about it? Will I die from the sheer terror attacking my heart from the mere prospect of being intimate with someone after so many years?
Future Plans:
On the 14th, we were texting about some of my upcoming travel plans; a week in Knoxville in mid-August, a wedding in North Carolina in late September. Our text exchange was this:
God, that woman is funny! I showed the text to a few of my friends, and they all laughed and said things like "Good! You've finally met your match!"
The First Kiss:
I drove back on Saturday. We'd planned for her to come over that evening. I had a lot to do before our dinner and, ostensibly, our first kiss. Little things like putting away all the laundry I'd done at Sandy's, making the bed, putting fresh towels in the bathroom, cooking dinner, and, oh yeah, EAT TIC-TACS LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!
That first kiss was amazing… skin-tingly amazing. Yeah, I was dating.
The Invitation:
By this point, we'd fallen into a regular Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday dinner routine with some of the other days filled with hikes, grocery shopping, or whatever else.
Normally, she had to drive an hour plus to her office in Chattanooga on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, but she generally left there around 3:30 p.m. on Thursday and would come straight to my place for dinner.
On Thursday, 5:30 p.m. came and went, and I still hadn't heard from her. I was getting worried. At 6:00, she texted and told me she'd had an amazing day and couldn't wait to tell me about it, but that she was staying over and sleeping at her daughter's house and asked if dinner Friday night would be okay?
Duh! Of course it was okay… But of course I freaked out and was thinking all the worst things, and I tossed and turned all night long and had two stretches where I was awake for over an hour each.
Friday came, and about 4 p.m. she came through my door just beaming. She could barely contain her excitement through dinner.
Finally, we sat on the couch with wine, and she told me all about her promotion. She was no longer the District Manager; she was now the Regional Vice President! She had spent the past 25 years at this company working for this moment, and I was so happy for her!
And then the bomb dropped… two bombs actually!
Bomb 1: The promotion required her to move to Nashville!
Bomb 2: She asked if I would move with her!
At first, I was speechless. It had only been a few months earlier when I'd first laid eyes on her, and we'd only been hanging out for a couple of months and only dating for (checking the second hand on my watch)...
I declined. Why? Well, we'd not been a "couple" long enough to make that sort of move, and then there were my memory issues. Honestly, I don't want to burden anyone with my health issues, especially someone so much younger. (In writing that, I just felt an imaginary kick under my desk!)
My counterargument was simply, "If I won the lottery and asked you to give up everything you've worked for and move away with me, would you?" She sat quietly with that question.
After we finished our wine, I said, "Let's go to bed." She grinned as she took my hand and led the way to the bedroom.
The Last Morning:
This morning, I got up and made us coffee. When I returned to bed, she was sitting there with tears running down her face. I set her cup down on the nightstand, sat on the edge of the bed, wiped her tears away, and took her hands in mine.
She looked up at me and said, I never want to leave your bed. In my entire life, I have never felt more understood, more validated, more valued, more cared for, or more beautiful than I do with you.
After a pause, she continued, "I've thought a lot about your lottery argument, and as much as I would like to think that I would follow my heart and say 'Yes!' I honestly don't think I would. Maybe if we had a year or two under our belts."
She had arrived at where I was, and I had no words, so I sat gazing into her eyes, and finally I said, "Maybe that's what this has all been about, to show each other what really good love is so we know how to recognize it in the future."
She looked down at our hands for a bit, and then she looked up, smiled, and said, "Let's eat."
Normally when we cook together there's lots of banter and, more recently, flirty touches, but this morning was rather quiet. As we ate, we talked about the logistics: when she had to be fully relocated, whether she would sell her house here, all that stuff. As we talked, the tension and sadness seemed to ease.
After breakfast, she showered while I did the dishes and made the bed. I saw a few of her long hairs on the pillow and smiled. Most of the women I've dated have had really thick hair, as does my daughter. That stuff gets EVERYWHERE! It's funny how suddenly you can realize that you miss something that used to annoy the hell out of you.
Eventually, she emerged from the bedroom all clean and freshly dressed. We stood facing each other, just staring into each other's eyes. Finally, she sighed and stepped forward for a hug.
She broke away, saying she really needed to get home and finish packing because it would be at least a month before she could get back home, and she still had a three-hour drive to Nashville, and she had to be in the office first thing Monday morning. I nodded my understanding.
As I stood in the doorway and watched her Jeep drive away, I knew in my head I had made the right decision, but I also knew my heart would have a difficult time forgiving me for letting her get away.
I looked down the driveway for what seemed like eons before pulling myself away to go shower.
As I entered the bathroom, I noticed she'd left her shampoo, toothbrush, and a few other girly things.
I didn't know how to process that, so I let it sit. Not everything needs to be processed when it happens.
The Snake:
That afternoon, I sat out on my front porch sipping some iced tea and thinking about the past few months. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard some neighbor ladies screaming in terror. I walked to where they were and found them petrified over a rat snake curled up in the grass. I began herding the snake away from them and towards the field out behind their place. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard a car pull up and a car door close. I remember thinking, "God! I hope this isn't some gun-happy cop whose first reaction is to want to kill an innocent snake!" I kept herding the snake, and once it was out behind their place, I snatched it up and carried it to a nearby stand of trees where I let it loose.
When I returned to the front where the ladies were still standing, I saw Sophie standing there. She walked up and said, "You are just the kindest man!" I smiled and asked if she were leaving for Nashville. She said she was, but she'd forgotten to give me something before she'd left this morning. I looked at her quizzically, and she stepped forward and laid a big, deep kiss on me.
The ladies all cackled and cheered. As I stood there stunned, Sophie turned, walked back to her Jeep, and before opening the door she flipped her hair back in a "There! Take that!" manner, grinned. Then she drove away.
I stood there speechless.
Epilogue:
Sophie is safely in Nashville now.
I had been trying to convince her to talk to a friend of mine in Florida who'd had a 20-year age gap marriage and who had been there through her husband's decline, the years of health battles, the massive expenses, and eventual death. People who say "age is just a number" really don't understand the full repercussions of that thought. Sure, age is just a number while everything is fun and games, but then there comes a time when it's not, and then age becomes far more than a number.
Sophie and my friend Becky had that conversation this past Thursday. Sophie learned about the devastating consequences of years of copays totaling over $50,000 a year, causing near financial ruin. She learned about Becky having to sacrifice her career during her peak earning years to be a caregiver. She learned about all the messy details that come with all that, including the diaper changes, the IVs, bed sores, and everything else. Even when the younger one stays, it's pure hell on them.
Sophie and I FaceTimed Friday night. She said she finally understood what I was trying to tell her and that she finally understood my resistance to becoming a burden on her. We agreed to let this go. Before hanging up, her last words to me were, "I love you."
As I talked through this with my two best female friends (Sandy and Kathleen), they both thought this experience was very good for me, and they hoped this would open the door to my getting out there and maybe finding… well, something as wonderful as this was and something where I'm not the last one to know that I was dating. I'm dubious. My concerns won't change, but I've been advised to take it one day at a time, and so maybe I will.
Sophie, you have been a blessing in every way imaginable. LY85B!
BTW, Sophie didn't leave all that stuff on my bathroom sink. I got some friends to bring stuff over, and we laid it all out as a final joke. Sophie laughed when she saw it, and her exact comment was "Boy! You're still nothing but trouble!"
Sophie has read and approved all of this.