Why Did I Write This Book?

For years I have been "that guy" you know the one, the guy women always turn to with their questions about "why did my man do ___" and the one who patiently sits there and listens and gives out that sage advice that then gets ignored. Kinda like the bartender in "He's just not that in to you" you know, he tells the girl what's really going on and despite her refusal to listen she ultimately learns he's right.

I was that guy and I hated to see women suffer over things that were just so basic and so misunderstood. So, about 10 years ago I decided I would start writing down these questions and see what I could do with them. I became a diligent note taker. I not only wrote down the questions but also the advice dispensed, whether it was followed and how it turned out.

In 2007 I sorted, organized, resorted, categorized and reshuffled all those notes in to a topical outline which became the working structure for the book. Between then and when the book was published in 2015, I'd dropped chapters, added new chapters, integrated multiple chapters into one until I finally came up with what became the final version.

Who Is The Intended Audience?

I would like to say that I wrote this for women but, in the end, I have found many more men have read the The Man Puzzle and tell me that I have shed more insight into their internal workings than even they had imagined. When you have men who read a chapter and cry it has a profound effect on what you think you've accomplished.

I think though, in the end, it is women who will benefit the most because I have tried to unlock and explain mysteries which have confounded women for as long as women have wondered what men were thinking (and by the way "nothing" is a real answer). Most men already know some of these things, such as men DO talk about their feelings, but have learned that telling women something that goes against their beliefs just leads to an argument but, as men are prone to do, just figure sharing the information is more trouble than it's worth and then clam up.

How Was The Book Researched?

I used many different kinds of resources for this book. I have my "League of Extraordinary Men" which consist of a former CIA agent, several Navy SEALS, a half dozen former and active Green Berets, two Federal Judges, an FBI agent, an NBA star (well, you get the idea). Extraordinarily smart men, top physical specimens at the top of their careers. These men are my "go to guys" when I have a question about "why we men do what we do" and they have all read parts or all of this book.

From there, I have my Man Groups which are groups of men that I have interviewed all over the USA. The groups were as small as 5 and as large as 15 and consisted of men from all walks of life, all races, all religions, some were filthy rich and some were sleeping in their cars. Some had been married to the same woman for 50 years and some had been divorced two and three times. There were cops, firemen, steel workers, doctors, attorneys, venture capitalist, men worth 10's of millions of dollars. There was a 15 year old single father and a 75 year old confirmed bachelor who thought all relationships with women were destined to fail. All in all, there were over 2000 men who participated in these groups. While we were as diverse as the stars in the sky, there were many parts that were consistent themes that united us all.

I also conducted 4 online surveys and these surveys had, depending on the topic, between 5,000 and 20,000 invitations and generally received a 10% response rate (so pretty good samplings).

And then there were my Women Groups. Like my Men Groups, my women groups consisted of between 5 and 15 women and my "interviews" were conducted in garden clubs, club houses and libraries all over the USA. In all, I spoke with about 500 women and these women were incredibly open and honest with me and with each other. Not just about what they "knew" to be true but what confused them. They participated willingly in my "silly" exercises (which turned out to not be so silly).

My last and final resource were countless professors, doctors and psychologist who have shared their own peer reviewed research with me and, quite graciously, taken the time to explain their findings and how those findings related directly to men. All of the research is recent and dispels quite a few traditionally held beliefs.

Does This Book Really Make Women Angry?

The vast, vast majority of women have found the parts that I have shared with them to be well written, enlightening and very meaningful. Most say they learned a great deal from just reading small sections. So, not all women get angry and not even the majority do BUT...

Some women are frustrated by all the articles they've read and even more frustrated by their failures with men. I've printed excerpts and had women read and throw the excerpt across the room and storm out only to have one of the wiser women go get her and bring her back by telling her "he's right, what he said is true for my man."

I've also encountered those women who believe that any differences between men and women is simply "nurture versus nature" and that if "men were just raised right, they'd not be this way."

No matter where you stand in your beliefs, I try to show how so many beliefs such as "nurture versus nature" are either partially or blatantly wrong and why those beliefs are wrong.

If you'd like to read more about The Man Puzzle (see the table of contents and read a sample of the work), you'll have to buy it or wait until the new publisher gets their site working. I'll update you on that via the newsletter.

The Man Puzzle is sold in 1000's of bookstores around the world. To purchase a copy, you can either visit your favorite book store (they may have to order it) or you can buy it from one of the sources listed using the "Where To Buy" button at the top of this article. 

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