The Letters
It was December 1998 when Poopsy was given 6 months to live. After doing some internal processing, he sat each of us kids down individually and had “the talk” with us. This conversation became known as "The Poopsy Talk” and he had It with everyone he loved.
After my Poopsy Talk, I was heartbroken. I had no idea what to say, what to do, how to think or respond. After weeks of mulling it over and trying to find the words, I finally sat down at my desk and wrote a poem and then a short letter and mailed them to Dad. This first letter is his response to me. The second letter is the one he wrote to Amanda.
3-26-1999
Dear Phil
I want you to hear it from me. Maybe I ain’t the person or man you think I am. Believe me, I have had enough pressure put on me. I guess if it wasn’t for you and your kids I would have gave up a long time
ago. Maybe I have heard enough problems to last me a lifetime. I want you to know that I appreciate everything you have done for me and I also want you to know that you have the sweetest children, because my heart melts when I see them or around them. Also you have a long road ahead with your wife. I regret the advice I gave you to stay. Believe me when I say this. I want to just go on my way, whether or not I go upstairs or downstairs. Also, I don’t think your mother has any feelings for me. I can live with it. Again, let me say that was the most wonderful letter any person could ever want to receive. Also, I don’t believe my doctors know what he was talking about when he said that I had a little while to live but just in case, I want to make things right between us.
Well, I will bring this note to a close.
With love,
Always, Poopsy
3-27-1999
A few days ago I received the most wonderful letter from Phil. I responded yesterday and, as I was writing about my love for him and his kids, I thought of you and Katie so I wanted to write you too. First, I want to apologize for steering Phil wrong. I was the one that advised him to stay with Chris because of the kids but now I know they would have all been better with you and Phil would have been much happier. He’s miserable but we knew that was the path he was taking. I took the same path for the same reasons and now I feel selfish in encouraging him to take that same path. I don’t think my wife cares about me at all and I question whether she ever did. I think about the times I wanted to leave but then thought of the kids and what would happen to them if I did. Anyways, this is all my fault and I hope we can discuss it further when I see you for dinner next month. Of course, Tom is welcome to join us. I enjoy his company and it brings me joy to know you have married such a wonderful man.
I’m going to close for now.
With Love,
Always, Poopsy
Probably the most heartbreaking thing to read in these two letters was how, in 1999 at the age of 71, he’d spent 36 years of his life wondering whether or not he was loved by his wife. The pain of reading those words hit particularly hard because A) I can’t think of anyone who felt loved by my mother and; B) that’s how I felt within my own marriage.
Probably the most heartwarming thing to read was how, all those times he thought about leaving, he worried about what would happen to us kids (his stepkids) and then later, he was afraid that if he left, he’d not see my kids... his grandkids. That kind of love and dedication framed the sacrifices I made for my own children.